Just like last week there’s no Starbucks tonight. I’m saving that for tomorrow night when I need to be awake for Project Runway and Johnny Weir’s free skate. Here’s what’s on my mind this wonderful Hump Day:
GOOGLE: You seriously fucked up when you rolled out Google Wave when you made it compulsory for Gmail users to activate it whether they wanted to or not. That was a huge breach of privacy and to the best of my knowledge was against the law. As of this writing, you have not done enough to remedy those whose privacy has been compromised. Therefore I have deleted my account and uninstalled Chrome as my browser.
In other words, piss off.
JOHNNY WEIR: You skated an outstanding short program last night and I’m still steamed that the judges docked you points for being yourself. As a person of color and as a bi male, I know how this is supposed to work but don’t let those judges or the U.S. Skating Federation keep you in line. Don’t stop being yourself and I hope you get to cash in on a pro contract after the Olympics because that’s where your artistry belongs.
TOYOTA: Failed brakes. Stuck accelerator pedals. Bad steering. Can’t you guys make a decent car anymore? Or are you guys trying to murder your loyal customers?
CALIFORNIA DEMOCRATS: Is Jerry Brown in or out? Meg Whitman is running unopposed for governor in the court of public opinion, and the longer your party stays on the sidelines the harder it will be to win in November. Find a candidate and get in the race before its too late.
UC-SAN DIEGO: Students, this is not how you celebrate Black History Month. Is this an isolated incident? Based on what I’ve read in your student newspaper, I would find it very difficult to recommend your school to anyone whose skin color is darker than ivory.
JOHN MAYER: I’m very disappointed in you. Get some help for your David Duke cock, and where’s the apology to the LGBT community?
ALEXANDER McQUEEN: You left us way too soon. I’ll miss you for your wild designs. Even the 10-inch stilettos that looked like hooves or lobster claws.
VIRGINIA GOV. BOB McDONNELL: Why do you hate the LGBT community? That’s the first question that popped in my mind after you stripped our protections with your latest executive order.
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