Washington—Worried over the public safety of millions of Americans, President Barack Obama has plans to invade Japan in order to fix the rampant incompetence found at Toyota. With no answers coming from the Senate Commerce Committee investigations, Obama has ramped up his unprecedented efforts to keep the American driver safe behind the wheel.
The crisis at Toyota has affected thousands of Americans. These Americans, many of whom can’t seem to find the turn signal indicator, demand that the federal government “do something” to prevent them from having future accidents. According to many of these Toyota victims, the government hasn’t acted swiftly enough, and their once, peaceful life, has been scarred from a “sticky” accelerator pedal.
One such person is Shirley Birmingham, a 24-year old waitress from Bilioxi, MS. She has driven a Toyota Corolla for years. Because of her claims of a “sticky accelerator pedal,” she has received 10 speeding tickets, been involved in 5 accidents and had her license suspended twice. She is optimistic, though, that Obama can fix her problem.
With a Kleenex, she gently dries the tears from her eyes. “I am confident that my days of Toyota terror are over,” Shirley sobs. “I haven’t been able to afford anything but a Toyota. And now, Obama has given me hope that I can drive with confidence.”
Shirley is just one of the millions of people that Obama must protect, and his swift and decisive action to invade Japan is just the kind of leadership they need. Experts, however, argue that there simply isn’t enough troops to accomplish the mission. But Obama’s plan is simple, pull all of the troops out of Afghanistan and Iraq, and send them into Japan.
“What we’re going to do here,” stated Barack Obama, “is withdraw from both Iraq and Afghanistan, put the troops on a boat, and hit Japan hard and fast. We’ll be in Tokyo Bay in a heart beat. We’ll take over the Toyota plant, and have things done right. No more outsourcing. Just like my healthcare plan. There’s nothing I won’t do to…I mean for the American people.”
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